This is the first of three videos in Tammy's Grief Series: When the Call Comes, The Unfairness of it All, and Finish Your Race. Tammy walks us through her grief process, raw and real, after she got the call her baby sister, Anita, had died.
When the phone rings, the text message says call me now. Will you be ready?
Ready for the news? The immediate change in your daily routine? The hole left in your heart where once the promise of a restored relationship remained. You now realize it’s over. The death of the fairy tale ending you tell yourself over and over as you recreate the false narrative in your head of how the restoration of all things will go.
At that moment, you realize that the relationship, although brief, included only a few phone calls and text messages, was all they were capable of giving, and that was the restoration process of the fragmented pieces of the broken vessel left behind. Left behind after childhood rape, childhood adversity, parental neglect, physical abuse, or them caught in the throes of active addiction trying to binge their way to happiness. Although fleeting, it’s all they had to hold on to.
When you realize the pain of cutting yourself never truly takes the ache in your heart away for what once was, could have been, was never to be, or only a fantasy you dreamed up to protect your bubble of love you tried so hard not to have burst. It was not the love you deserved, but a love nevertheless. You long for it, crave it, but now, with that phone call, you know, the farce of the fantasy you created in your mind to survive is over.
What do you do then? When all hope is lost? Where do you turn? What will bring you joy and remove the pain, sorrow, and profound loss of finally realizing you came from a broken family, one shattered by trauma? In order for you to thrive, you must move past the raw, gaping wound of the past and step into the promises of today.
Join Tammy on the Reflective Hour Podcast and YouTube channel for healing support. https://reflectivehourwithtammytoneybutler.buzzsprout.com/
You can purchase her book on Amazon Kindle, "When you know, that you know, that you know there is a God."
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Tammy is available to teach and empower women and men as they journey to wholeness through the Light and Love of Christ.